The Reason Why
by NickTonyK
Summary: An alternate ending to "Wolfe in Sheep's Clothing." It starts after Eric tells Ryan to leave the lab - what should have happened next! OOC Horatio in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

A/N: Alternate ending to "Wolfe in Sheep's Clothing." What should have took place after Eric yells at Ryan to leave the lab! Very OC for Horatio in later chapters.

The Reason Why

by NickTonyK

He could see that he had no support from Calliegh by the look in her eyes, so Ryan quickly turned and left the lab. He grimaced as he felt a sharp pain shoot up his side, but he continued downhearted towards the locker room. '_I guess I really need to leave for good, I just lost whatever trust the team had in me. I'm just really tired,_' he thought as he emptied his locker. The beaten CSI walked to Horatio's office, sat down and wrote his boss a brief letter. He slowly took his gun, badge and phone and placed them on H's desk. He put his note into an envelope and placed it right across them. As he stood up to leave, a wave of pain and dizziness made him grab hold of the desk to steady himself. Thinking about a trip to the doctors he slowly made his way out the main entrance. He didn't even realize he left the box with his stuff on the floor by Horatio's desk. Halfway to his car he collapsed.

The young couple were on their way to the lab to make a statement about the robbery of their home, when they saw Ryan fall to the ground. They ran over to the very still figure to see if they could help. "Is he alive honey?"the young woman asked as she pulled out her phone to call 911. The young man carefully checked for a pulse calling out to Ryan, "Are you alright?" There was no response. "He's alive Sue, but he's having trouble breathing." He loosened Ryan's tie and opened his collar gasping at the angry red welt that encircled his neck. "See if he has any I.D.,"Sue told her distressed husband, refocusing his attention. They were both relieved to hear the sirens, the young man needed help as fast as possible. A small crowd of onlookers were gathered trying to see what was happening, so the ambulance was able to find them quickly. Soon Ryan was on the way to the hospital leaving a very worried couple behind.

Ryan could feel the world slip from beneath him. He could hear voices, a man and woman he didn't recognize. His fuzzy brain couldn't figure out why he was asleep so early. '_Sirens making a lot of noise... wish they would stop... head hurts._..' He could feel hands touching him, lifting him up. His eyes refused to open, soon all sensation was gone as he lost consciousness.

-----

Meanwhile Horatio was on his way back to HQ with Billy. He had already contacted the FBI so that Billy's dad could be reunited with him. The ride back was quiet, the boy fell asleep as soon as they started moving. Now that he had time to think he became more worried about what Ryan had suffered through. Hearing him scream over the phone, thinking that Billy had been shot was unnerving! He was glad he was able to calm him with the good news that the boy was okay. Feeling that Ryan may be hurting more than he let on, H was determined to see that his CSI got some time off. As his Hummer neared the lab he barely glanced at the ambulance that sped by in the opposite direction. A few minutes later he pulled up in front of the shiny glass structure. Horatio looked around hoping to spot Ryan waiting to greet them, but was a little disappointed and surprised at not seeing him. "Wake up Billy," he gently called as he opened the door to the back seat. He lightly pulled the little boy into his arms and reassured him he was safe. "You'll soon be back with your dad,"he told the sleepy young boy. "Thank you," Billy softly replied as he snuggled against Horatio. "You are quite welcome," H answered with a soothing voice.

The Feds pulled up behind Horatio's Hummer a moment later with Billy's dad in the back. As soon as the sedan stopped the doors all flew open and a rush of men came at the lieutenant. Horatio gave Billy over to his father who tearfully thanked him repeatedly. Billy a little more awake asked,"Where's Ryan?"

'_Good question_,' thought Horatio. "I don't know son, but I'll be sure to tell him you said hi." "Will you give him a hug for me?" Billy asked shyly looking up from his dad's shoulder. "I sure will, I promise," Horatio answered as he gently ran his hand through the young man's hair. He said good-bye to them and turning to walk into the building, thought that something must be seriously wrong for Ryan not to be here. Horatio quickly entered the building and was almost to his office when he heard Eric call out to him,"Hey H, can I talk to you in private?"

"Sure Eric." As he stepped into his office he noticed the envelope, his name on it in bold, shaky lettering. He swiftly put it in his jacket pocket to look at later. He was surprised by the gun, badge and cell he found next. Before he could examine the items to find out who they belonged to Eric started to say something which distracted him.

"H, I need to talk to you about Ryan!"

Horatio really just wanted to find Ryan, so he bluntly asked,"Have you seen Mr. Wolfe?"

Eric was caught off guard by the urgent tone in Horatio's voice. "Yeah, I saw him about forty-five minutes ago. H there's something I gotta tell you concerning Ryan and what he did!"

Horatio sat down at his desk, he really didn't want to discuss what Ryan did and why but he could see that Eric was quite upset. He was just about to answer Eric when Calliegh knocked on the open door and stepped in looking just as angry. She closed the door behind, giving them privacy.

"H, do realize that Ryan withheld evidence and almost put an innocent man behind bars! You need to address this situation, he's gone too far!"

Horatio looked first at one then at the other seeing nothing but anger, not an ounce of understanding. It could only mean that they didn't let Ryan explain about Billy. "Sit down, please!" He waited until they both reluctantly sat. "I know exactly what Ryan did...and why he did it! Did either of you allow Mr. Wolfe the chance to explain himself?"

Too upset to think straight Calliegh replied, "There is no excuse for what he did, his actions were totally inappropriate! If you don't take some kind of action against him, we'll go straight to Stetler!"

"Calliegh's right," Eric chimed in,"Wolfe shouldn't be allowed to get away with what he did!"

Horatio was just about to reply angered by their unreasoning attitudes when his phone rang. "Lieutenant Caine speaking."

"Lieutenant, this is Nurse Michaels from Mercy General. They brought in a Mr. Ryan Wolfe and he is in need of emergency surgery. We found his work ID and need to contact his immediate family or his next of kin for consent. Do you have that information? Sir?... Sir?" As soon as the nurse mentioned surgery, Horatio paled and got up to leave as quick as he could. Covering the phone he yelled back at the two now watching him from the doorway, "Call you're in charge!" He was soon out the doors,"Sorry nurse Michaels, I'm his next of kin, please go ahead with whatever he needs! I'm on my way!"

"I'll let the doctors know they can start right away."

After Horatio's mad dash out the door Calliegh and Eric were speechless! Well almost speechless. "What was that all about!?"

"I have no idea Eric, I can only guess. I think something bad happened to someone he cares about."

"I think you may be right!"

They both finished up their work for the day and headed home.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: Wow! A great big THANKS! To all who reviewed, put my story on alert, and even favorite list. You guys are so nice! I hope you stay until the end. Here's the next chapter. Happy reading! Remember this is fiction!

Horatio practically ran from the building to his Hummer. He jumped in pressing his speed dial for Frank. "Frank, Mr. Wolfe is at Mercy General...I'm on my way there now. Can you meet me?"

"What happened! Is he alright?"

"I'll fill you in when you get here. Right now he's in critical condition and is going into surgery."

"You know I'll be there H, see you in fifteen!"

"Thanks, Frank!" Horatio then called headquarters to talk to personnel. He arrange three weeks of vacation time for himself and medical leave for his CSI. Finally he made it to the hospital and rushed inside.

"I'm here for Ryan Wolfe, the nurse called to tell me he was being taken to surgery."

The young woman at receiving looked up and smiled, "Let me just see where you need to go...you need to take the second set of elevators to the fourth floor. Just exit to the left and you'll see the nurses station, I'll let them know you're coming, Mr...?"

"Lieutenant Caine," Horatio filled in as he started for the elevators. As he exited on the fourth floor he quickly made it to the nurses station. Guilt was starting to crowd his thoughts. If Ryan died it would be mainly his fault. It all came down to him and his team not looking for the missing young man. '_Damn, this shouldn't have happened!_' Lost in his thoughts he jumped a bit when a nurse addressed him.

"Are you Lieutenant Caine? Sorry to startle you." He nodded yes so she continued, "I'm nurse Michaels. Mr. Wolfe is in surgery, I just need you to fill out the paperwork." She handed him a clipboard with forms and a pen.

"Do you know anything about his condition?"

"Mr. Wolfe was severely beaten and suffered some mild strangulation. He has four broken ribs, cuts and bruises across his upper body. The surgery is being done to stop the internal bleeding and fix a tear in his lung. He lost a lot of blood which has weakened him. The doctors will do their best, though it will take some time. I'll update you when I can."

" Thank you." Horatio slowly walked to the waiting area forms in hand and tiredly took a seat. '_I can't believe how oblivious I've been! How did Ryan function with all the pain he must have been in? How could I not notice how hurt he was when he told me about Billy? Damn! I failed him as a boss, and we certainly failed him as a team. We all owe Ryan an apology._' He finished filling out the paperwork and as he handed it back to the nurse, remembered the letter in his pocket. H took it out with a shaky hand and opened it as he sat. He was truly saddened by what he read:

Horatio,

Thank you for the opportunity to be on your team. I need to leave at this time. I'm afraid

I've lost whatever trust the others had in me with what I've done. I never felt I really

belonged so I know you guys probably won't miss me. Take care of your team, don't let the Russians break you apart. Thank you for saving Billy and tell Frank good-bye for me.

Sincerely,

Mr. Wolfe

Horatio was stunned. He did not want Ryan to leave. What a mess! Movement in the hallway caught his eye, Frank had just arrived. "Frank."

"Hi, H. Any word on Ryan yet?"

"Nothing yet."

"Tell me what happened. Ryan looked fine yesterday though he was moving kinda slow."

"Have a seat Frank," he sighed. After Tripp sat he reluctantly started relating the information.

"Mr. Wolfe...Ryan, was beaten severely. He has broken ribs and suffered some internal bleeding. Frank he worked the whole day with these injuries and no one noticed! Just this morning he told me about Billy and what had happened to him the night before. Adrenaline must have kept him going, I had no idea he was hurting so much."

Frank interrupted. "Wait a minute, what did happen to him? Who beat him up? And what's this about Billy?" he angrily asked. "Tell me what happened, H."

Horatio sighed deeply and looked away guilt weighing on him heavily."The Russians kidnapped Ryan and tried to force him to withhold and destroy evidence against them. He wouldn't give in, so they grabbed Billy Gantry somehow. They threatened to kill Billy if Ryan didn't cooperate." He paused to take a deep breath then spoke in a low voice, "They underestimated Mr. Wolfe. He was able to analyze the trace elements on his own clothes to figure out where they held him and Billy. He asked me to go after Billy while he stalled for time...I almost didn't make it on time." A shiver went down Horatio's spine as he recalled Ryan's terrified scream over the phone. He closed his eyes briefly to get his thoughts together. Frank could tell there was more to tell. "When I got Billy back safely and Ryan wasn't there to meet us, I knew something was wrong."

Frank had listened, but now he had to ask,"What I don't get Horatio, is why no one told me he was missing? Why didn't you look for him, or did you not know he was missing?"

"We were so busy with the other case we never followed up to see what happened to Ryan...damn, one of our own was missing, and we let him down. He could die from our inaction!"

"Too busy!? What a bunch of crap!" Frank was stunned and angered by Horatio's admittance. It made him furious to think that no one tried to look for Ryan. He looked down trying to get a grip on his anger and noticed the letter. "What's that H?"

Horatio handed the letter over for Tripp to read. He could see the mans hands tighten in anger as he read it.

"You better straighten this mess out, H! I hope you're not going to let him quit."

"Not if I can help it Frank, not if I can help it!"

"You all have a lot to make up to poor Ryan, if he lets you. I wouldn't blame him if he did leave. From day one you guys have made him feel less than welcome. Heck, you hardly ever call him by his first name." He handed the letter back to Horatio. "I take it you're staying?"

"That I am! I'm not leaving Ryan's side until he gets better. I owe him that much and so much more."

As mad as Frank was, H was still his friend. "Do you need me to clear anything with HQ?"

"No I've taken care of that."

"I'll stop by your place and pick up some of your things once I get off work."

"Thank you Frank. Can I ask you to let the others know about Ryan? I left in a hurry leaving Calliegh in charge."

"I'll let them know Ryan's in the hospital, but not why. They should come and talk to you about that."

"Fair enough Frank."

"Listen I have to get back, call me as soon as he's out of surgery."

"I will! So I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, I'll be back with your stuff tonight."

"Thanks!" Frank left a dejected Horatio sitting, waiting for news of his CSI. A blanket of ugly truth covered his thoughts. There was no excuse for what happened to Ryan.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

As Frank was driving back to the lab anger was sweeping over him. The detective was livid, so he pulled over to try to get control, really wanting to hit something or someone. He settled for pounding his steering wheel a couple of times. '_I just can't believe what happened! That nobody bothered to look for Ryan! If Calliegh or Eric were missing, it would have been first priority to find them. Ryan would have worked his butt off trying to help any way he could. Damn!! Shows me they don't think of him as part of their team. I hope they can fix that big mistake, if it's not too late. Ryan better be okay, he better not die because of them!_' After all those thoughts running through his mind he felt exhausted. He continued on his way wondering how long it would take for the "team" to ask about Ryan.

Back at the hospital Horatio's thoughts were not much better. '_Ryan just has to be okay! There's so much I have to make up to him_.' He got up to stretch and started pacing. It had been about two hours since he arrived and still no word.

Nurse Michaels found Horatio a half hour later standing by a bank of windows, worry etched on his face. "Lieutenant?" H lost in thought didn't seem to hear her, so she gently put her hand on his arm to get his attention, "Lieutenant Caine?"

He finally looked at the nurse,"Any news?"

"Yes, his surgery is going to take longer than they first thought. He's doing fine so far, but they still have to get the bleeding under control. You should probably get something to eat, it will probably be a while before I know more. The cafeteria is just two floors down and I'll page you if there's any news."

"Thank you, but I'll just wait here. I don't think I could eat at this time." He went and sat once again to wait, guilt weighing heavily upon his mind.

Calliegh and Eric had left the lab before Frank got back. Intent on having a good evening they decided to get take-out and head to Call's place. It wasn't too long before their minds wandered back to what happened earlier that day. "I can't believe how Horatio up and left this afternoon, he just got to the lab and just ran back out! He didn't even let us know what as happening!" complained Eric.

"I know, it's just not like H to leave so abruptly, it must have been someone close to him that was in trouble."

"What makes you think that Call?"

"Well he did ask the person on the phone 'how is he?', weren't you paying attention?"

"No, I was too upset and focused on what should be done about Wolfe. I still can't believe what he did!"

"I can't either, Eric. But I wonder if H had a valid point. He said he knew why Ryan did it. Maybe we should have let him explain the circumstances. Did you see how hurt Ryan looked when we wanted him to leave the lab?"

"Yeah Calliegh, but I was so angry I couldn't help it."

"Me too, but now I feel kinda bad. Maybe tomorrow we could corner Ryan and hear him out?"

"Okay Call we could try and give him a break. I mean Horatio already knew about it and I trust his judgment about situations."

"We'll get to the bottom of it with Ryan tomorrow. Let's just enjoy tonight."

Meanwhile Horatio was getting impatient only being able to wait. He had a terrible headache from the many agonizing thoughts going through his guilt ridden mind. After another hour and a half he noticed a doctor heading his direction. He stood up and met him at the desk.

"Are you here for Ryan Wolfe?" After a nod from Horatio he continued, "I'm Doctor Spenser."

The lieutenant introduced himself and asked, "How is he doing?"

The doctor led H back to the chairs, "Why don't you have a seat, please."

After they both were sitting Dr. Spenser took a deep breath and began to tell how Ryan was doing.

"The surgery was successful. We were able to repair the small tears to his liver and spleen, but he lost a lot of blood. If we hadn't caught it when we did...He's been put on a ventilator to help heal his lung which had to be re-inflated, also to keep his airways open. It seems Mr. Wolfe suffered from some strangulation which has caused some swelling around his throat. We also set four broken ribs." The doctor paused taking a deep breath there was still more to tell.

Horatio was worried he knew there was something else to add. "What is it, is Ryan going to be all right?"

"We had to start him on antibiotics for an infection he developed. His left kidney is bruised so we'll be monitoring his fluid output. Right now he's in a coma, but he should make a complete recovery," summed up Dr. Spencer. "He's in recovery and in about twenty minutes we'll be moving him to SICU."

After listening to the growing list of his CSI's injuries he asked, "Can I please stay with him? He needs to know he's not alone. He doesn't have anybody else here."

"I can make arrangements so you can stay with him, since you're listed as his next of kin. I'll tell the nurse to bring you up to his room once he's settled. If you have any questions, please have me paged."

"Thank you doctor."

Half an hour later found a very worried Horatio standing next to Ryan. He had called Frank to update him. He also called Alexx, who gave him a piece of her mind for not letting her know sooner! He convinced her to wait until the next day to visit assuring her he would be staying by Ryan's side.

When he first walked into Ryan's room he barely recognized the young man who was pale and still, hooked up to so many machines that seemed to dwarf his size. He stared horrified at all the bruises and cuts on Ryan's chest and arms and gasped when he saw the red irritated mark encircling his neck. He looked so fragile and young. "Ryan...I'm so sorry, please be alright!" He gently took Ryan's hand in his own and gave it a squeeze hoping to get a response but getting none. "Ryan I'm going to help you any way I can! I'm not leaving your side until you are better." He placed his other hand on Ryan's forehead running his fingers through his hair. He could feel the heat radiating off him and was worried.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews,alerts,and encouragement! I have the story finished and will update regularly. I sure hope you'll like the rest of it. Even if you don't like it read and review please, I don't mind constructive criticism. On with the show!

Frank, after leaving work, swung by Horatio's as planned before heading back to the hospital. Knowing Ryan had made it through surgery was a relief, but now he might not wake up. He got to the hospital and wearily made his way to Ryan's room. When he walked in he had to close his eyes to what he saw as a broken doll lying so small and still on the bed. The beeping of the monitors and the whooshing noise of the ventilator was unnerving. He edged over to the side of the bed and handed Horatio his stuff. "Hey, H, why don't you grab a bite to eat and freshen up? I'll sit with Ryan."

Horatio nodded and despondently left the room knowing Frank would want some time alone with the sick young man.

The detective took the vacated seat and taking Ryan's hand started talking quietly. "Hey Ry...you know you look a mess! You need to wake and get better Mr.!" He started blinking away the tears that threatened to fall. He felt all his anger at the situation bubble up. He gripped Ryan's hand a little harder and had to regain his emotions. It was nearly twenty minutes later when he spoke softly again. "It makes me so furious, what they let happen to you. I wish I could take away all the pain and make you well. I want you to know...I'll be here for you, you're kinda like the baby brother I never had. Please don't give up." He looked up at Ryan hoping to see some kind of reaction, but was disappointed when there wasn't any.

Horatio had come back and stood just outside the room when he heard Frank's feelings about what happened. It made his stomach churn with guilt and anger at himself. Touched by how much the detective cared for his youngest CSI, he thought it was time to share with his friend a secret he had been keeping many years.

As Horatio entered Ryan's room he quietly announced his presence, "Hey, Frank."

"Oh...I didn't hear you come in, how much did you hear?"

"Enough to know how much you care...I'm glad. I want to tell you and especially Ryan something I've never told before. It's about why I rarely address Mr. Wolfe by his first name." He stepped by the other side of the bed and grasped the other limp hand in his own. He gently ran his other hand through Ryan's sweat soaked hair, leaving it rest lightly on his warm forehead. "I've never told anyone because even after all these years it still hurts when I think about it."

"H, you don't have to tell me then, it's okay."

Looking first at Frank, and then at the young man's face he got his emotions under control so he could tell his story.

"You're one of my closest friends and Ryan, when he wakes, deserves to be told." He absentmindedly began rubbing his thumb gently across Ryan's forehead. In a soft voice he continued, "Just out of high school I met and fell in love with this amazing young lady. She was pretty special, I thought we would grow old together. We moved in together after six months. I planned on marrying her... I asked, she insisted we didn't need to. She got pregnant shortly after and I was so happy. We had an amazing little boy...we named Ryan." He paused and shook his head slowly closing his eyes briefly, what he would say next was very difficult. "One day when I was at work, I was a mechanic, she left. She took my boy, only two years old! No note, no clue as to where, or even why. She had no relatives that I knew of." He took a shaky deep breath. "I tried to find them, joined the force to gain more resources, but I had no starting point, only her name. I missed them so much...still do." He looked over at Frank who nodded in understanding knowing his friend had more to say. When Ryan came to work his first day, there was something familiar about him, especially his eyes. He...reminded me of her all those years ago. I just couldn't call him by his first name, it hurt too much. So to put distance between us, he became Mr. Wolfe. I've been selfish not even thinking how it made Ryan feel." Bending his head down to Ryan, "I'm so sorry if I made you feel you don't belong! Things are going to change if you'll stay with us."

"I'm glad you told me H. At least it makes more sense. But you sure as hell made a mess of things didn't you! You should have talked to Ryan from the beginning, given the young man a chance."

"I know that Frank, if...I mean when he wakes up, I hope he'll give me a chance."

"You know you can count on me to help any way I can." He reluctantly let go of Ryan's hand and moved to get up. "I better get going, call me if there are any changes." He left Horatio who continued his vigilance over Ryan, hoping the next day would find him getting better.

Calliegh and Eric wasted no time so they could get to work early. They knew Ryan was usually there first, so they hoped to clear the air before their shift started.

"I don't get it Call, where could he be? I know that's his car I parked beside!"

"Well, we checked everywhere, this just doesn't feel right! Let's ask at reception."

As they made their way to reception they saw Frank coming in.

"Hey Frank," they said in unison.

"Hi!" he snapped. Still angry at them he quickly turned to walk away.

"Wait! Did you happen to see Ryan this morning?" Eric cried out.

"No." He hung his head and was starting to walk away when Calliegh cut in, "We really need to talk to him about yesterday, do you know where he is?"

Frank couldn't help himself, he turned around to face them, anger clearly on his face. "You really want to know where Ryan is huh?!" he shouted. "He's in the damn hospital fighting for his life, that's where!!"

"What!?" Eric and Calliegh weren't prepared for that outburst. Everybody in the lobby were now openly staring at the trio. Frank swiftly retreated to the break room a little overwhelmed by his intense feelings toward his coworkers. The other two, a little stunned, took a couple of deep breathes and then followed him. They couldn't understand why Frank was so angry. Frank stood at the coffee pot with his back towards them. Calliegh initiated the conversation sensing the tension in the room. "What happened to Ryan, he seemed fine yesterday and the day before. Did he get sick or something?"

"Or something..." Frank muttered.

Having no clue what was eating at the older man, Eric, concerned and frustrated yelled, "Just tell us what happened!"

Frank wanted to scream right back but just closed his eye sand counted to ten. Turning to face them he answered calmly, "Ryan is at Mercy General in ICU. Horatio is there you can talk to him!" He quickly left not wanting to say any more. Again Calliegh and Eric were stunned. Eric started pacing wanting to know more about Ryan and wondering why no one let them know earlier.

"Damn it Call, what's up with Frank? Why didn't he tell us what's wrong with Wolfe, is it a secret? I can't believe it!" Worry and anger laced his words.

"I have no idea Eric. I sure wish I knew the answers to both those questions. Especially why H didn't let us know. We'll just have to head to the hospital after work and find out, okay?"

"Yeah, you're right. It's just frustrating!"

"I know, let's get to work."

The cases the team had that day were pretty clear cut. Their minds kept wandering to their coworker hoping he was alright.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews, alerts and encouragement! Enjoy!

While Calliegh and Eric were looking for Ryan, Horatio was worriedly stroking his hand across the young CSI's fevered brow. It seemed his temperature was getting worse.

Ryan felt as if he were floating in a warm dark place. He could hear voices , but not what they were saying. Sometimes it was Horatio, other times it sounded like Frank, some he didn't recognize at all. '_I'm tired...it hurts...Billy? It's dark out...tired..._' Confusion gripped Ryan as he once again faded into unconsciousness.

The nurse made her rounds and frowned at the temp of 103 her patient had. She quickly exited the room to get Dr. Spenser. After examining Ryan, he found that an infection was festering in the cut they sutured on his right arm. He cleaned the site and made sure the stitches were alright. Looking at Horatio he started to explain, "We're going to change the antibiotics to find something more effective, try to get his fever down. Hopefully they should start working by this evening. I'll be back then to check on him."

"Do you think he'll be okay?"

"Hopefully he will." The doctor gave H a slight nod as he left the room.

Alexx arrived a few minutes later. "I would have got here sooner, but I had to drop my boys at school..." She gasped when she saw Ryan's pale, still body laboring to breath with the ventilator. She couldn't help the tears that ran down her cheeks, her 'baby boy,' as she called him, looked awful. Horatio gestured for her to have a seat. "Tell me what happened to Ryan!" She sat and took hold of Ryan's hand giving it a squeeze.

Horatio sighed, not able to look Alexx in the eyes, he kept looking at Ryan. In a low voice he explained how Ryan ended up fighting for his life. Alexx was highly upset and wanted to punch Horatio to knock some kind of sense into him. Of course now was not the time for it, but she fully intended to give him hell later! Why did they overlook poor Ryan? She knew if Calliegh or Eric had gone missing, the team and everyone else would have been exerting themselves to find them. Ryan probably would have worked non-stop to find them, it was so unfair. '_My poor baby boy, I don't know why you're so loyal to this so called team. You deserve so much better!_'

"I'm so sorry Alexx...I know that's not enough." Horatio knew Alexx needed some time with Ryan. "Can you sit with him for a while? I just want to grab something to eat."

"Sure, go on, I'll stay for a while." Alexx waited for H to exit and then started to quietly talk to Ryan. She talked about her boys and about her new job and small talk about the great weather she enjoyed while on vacation. "I miss working with you Ryan. I just know you're going to get better. You also know that I'll be here for you and help any way I can baby boy." She pushed the hair gently from his forehead, leaned over and lightly kissed him there. "I have to go now sweetheart, but I promise I'll be back when I can." As she turned to leave she noticed Horatio standing just outside the door his hands covering his face. She wanted to scream at him but knew she'd save it for later. "Call me please if there are any changes!"

"I will Alexx, I will!"

Ryan couldn't understand what was happening. More voices, so soft. '_Alexx...at the lab?...so tired...H?_' His muddled brain was spinning and once again he let the darkness swallow him.

Horatio once again sat by Ryan's side holding his hand. The constant touch helped him feel hope that the young man would get better sooner. He hoped Ryan was able to tell he wasn't alone.

Dr. Spenser came that afternoon and was pleased that the fever was down. The new antibiotics were working, but Mr Wolfe had shown no signs of waking.

Evening was approaching when Calliegh and Eric made it to the hospital. They got to the ICU floor and saw Frank in the waiting room sipping coffee. When Frank saw them he immediately got up and went into Ryan's room in order to send H out to talk to them. He already informed Horatio about his angry outburst at the lab that morning. Horatio got up and changed places with Tripp knowing Ryan was in good hands.

"I just couldn't tell them about Ryan, H."

Laying a hand on Frank's shoulder, "It's okay, it's my mess and my responsibility to fix it." With that Horatio came out of Ryan's room almost bumping into Eric and Calliegh. He nodded his head toward the waiting room. They both hesitated at first, but sensing an explanation, they turned and walked back.

"How is Ryan? Why didn't you tell us he was hurt?" Calliegh asked with genuine concern. She noticed how tired and sad her boss looked.

"Why don't you both have a seat."

"What?! Why can't you just tell us how he's doing!?" exclaimed a worried Eric.

"Sit! I'll tell you!"

They both slowly sat, wanting to know what was going on. Horatio pulled up a seat across from them and sat facing them. "This could have been avoided," began H.

"What do you mean?" asked Calliegh.

"We did nothing to find Ryan...never questioned why he never showed up with that photographer. We...I did not follow through!"

"I tried calling him twice, H!" exclaimed Eric.

Not looking at either of them, H continued in a low voice, "The Russians had him! They **tortured** him and when he wouldn't cooperate they kidnapped Billy Gantry, threatened to kill him. Ryan told me everything he had done and begged me to find Billy while he stalled for time." Horatio paused, taking a deep breathe he raised his head to look at his team. "When I did find Billy, it was just in time to shoot his would be killer." He paused again not wanting to tell them of Ryan's anguished scream, how it made him feel. "I was expecting Ryan to meet us back at the lab...I didn't...I couldn't tell how hurt he was that morning. Next thing I know the hospital called."

Eric and Calliegh couldn't look Horatio in the eyes. They both were thinking about how they treated their teammate. Calliegh was the first to break the quiet, "We were so mad at Ryan for withholding evidence. He must have just finished finding out that Billy was safe when he came into the lab with that shell casing...he mentioned extenuating circumstances..."

"We never gave him a chance to explain H," Eric sadly stated. "I was pretty harsh, yelled at him to get out! Never gave him a chance..." he repeated quietly.

Horatio feeling the guilt weighing heavily on his mind let the quiet envelop them. Knowing he needed to get back to Ryan's side he added, "We all owe Mr. Wolfe...Ryan an apology. I don't want to lose him from the team."

"You haven't told us how Ryan is doing," Calliegh softly spoke with genuine concern.

"He's had surgery to stop internal bleeding, he's on a vent to help him breath. He's stable but in a coma." Horatio pointed towards Ryan's room so they could see for themselves. "We'll talk later."


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews, alerts and encouragement! Just so you know, all the medical stuff is not accurate. Just enjoy it for what it is, FICTION!

Calliegh and Eric hesitated before they opened the door to Ryan's room. Frank, when he saw them come in, patted Ryan's hand and told him he would be back later. He quickly exited without looking at or acknowledging either of them. The pair caught sight of their co-worker and gasped. He looked pale and lifeless, what was visible of his chest was mottled with ugly bruises. They took in the many bandages on his arms, the garish mark around his neck, the IV's, monitor and ventilator, it was overwhelming!

Eric was the first to find his voice, "Oh my God! Why didn't you tell us Ryan!?"

"Oh Ryan," Calliegh sighed.

Ryan hearing Eric's outcry started to panic, his heart racing. ' '_s...mad at me..._' His fuzzy brain was not understanding what was happening. He started having trouble breathing causing the monitor alarms to sound.

The nurses and Dr. Spencer rushed past the two men in the waiting area into Ryan's room. They hurried the couple out to the hall and started to settle the sick young man. "Nurse get a light sedative ready, we may need it to get his breathing under control. Michaels get the lieutenant to help us!"

Nurse Michaels came back quickly with Horatio. "Talk to him, please, we need him calmed."

Horatio stepped to Ryan's side and took hold of his hand gently, laying his other hand on the young man's weakly thrashing head, "Ryan...Mr. Wolfe! I need you to calm down son! You're going to be fine...settle down now, please."

His calm voice and grounding touch soon had Ryan's vitals stable. "Ryan can you open your eyes... Ryan?" Horatio disappointed at his lack of response, turned to Dr. Spencer, "What just happened?"

"Let's just step outside a moment."

They both stepped into the hall. "Is he all right?"

"It appears Mr. Wolfe can hear voices at times. He suffered from a panic attack. Right now he's stable."

"How can that be possible when he's not even conscious?"

"As I've mentioned , people in comas sometimes have some awareness and can often hear people talking. The onset of his attack seemed to be when that young couple were in his room. Is there some kind of tension between them?"

"There was a misunderstanding, right before he was admitted," uttered Horatio.

"Well it would be wise to restrict visitation until Mr. Wolfe is out of ICU. I don't want to risk any complications. Why don't you go ahead and explain things while I finish my regular check up with Ryan?"

Horatio found a very troubled threesome waiting for him. They had been quietly waiting each wrapped up in their own worry. Seeing H they all asked at once, "What happened?! Is he all right??"

"It seems Ryan suffered a panic attack, he's stable now. Can you sit with him a few, Frank?"

"Sure Horatio," he gave him a light pat on the shoulder as he passed by.

"I need to talk to the both of you," he ushered them to take a seat. "According to the doctor, coma patients have levels of awareness and sometimes hear voices. He suggested that Ryan have limited visitation for now."

"Did we cause his attack, H?" Calliegh asked quietly.

"I don't know what to say. I know we want him to recover so it will be for the best to wait before you visit again."

"You'll let us know when he wakes up, right?" asked a teary eyed Calliegh.

"I'll let you know. Right now you'll continue to be in charge of the caseload."

"Okay H, let him know we're thinking of him."

"Yeah H, we'll make it up to him somehow," Eric added.

Horatio nodded then turned making his way back to Ryan's room in order to spend another night. Frank traded places with H and quietly took his leave. He was still angered about what Ryan had gone through. He saw his co-workers still in the waiting area and had to bite his tongue. He had hoped not to run into them, so he walked quickly to avoid them.

"You okay Frank?" Eric asked the hurried detective.

Not slowing down, he gruffly answered no.

Calliegh called out, "Frank, wait up!" As she and Eric followed him to the bank of elevators.

"What's wrong?" Eric asked worriedly.

"What's wrong?!" exclaimed an irritated Frank. Lowering his voice, "This just isn't the place to discuss it!"

The elevator arrived and the three got aboard.

"Can we buy you a drink and talk, please?" asked Calliegh wanting to know why Frank seemed so angry at them.

Frank's mind was in turmoil, he knew he needed to tell them how he felt. Knowing he needed time to cool off, he kept silent on the ride down. Stepping out of the elevator he turned to his co-workers, he couldn't look them in the eye,"There's a bar on Main and Creek, the _La Brae_, I'll meet you both there." He quickly left, not waiting to see if they agreed or not. He purposely picked a bar that was thirty minutes away so he could get his emotions under control before talking to them.

Calliegh and Eric were a little surprised by Frank but quickly decided to meet him. They rode together in silence each in deep thought. About forty minutes later they wandered into the small, cozy bar. Along one wall was an old fashioned dark wood bar, the opposite wall contained high-backed booths, covered in dark red leather. The lighting was low so they walked further in looking for their friend. They noticed Frank as they approached the last booth. Quietly they slid into the booth opposite him and waited until their drinks were brought over.

Frank knew he had to initiate the conversation. After the waiter left the table he began solemnly, "You guys realize that you've let Ryan down, as a teammate and as a friend. Lord knows why he keeps trying so hard to be apart of your team. If either of you had gone missing, he would have busted his butt trying to find you! You know it too!...He shouldn't have been overlooked!"

The two chastised CSI's were devastated. They knew Frank was right. Both were speechless, so Frank continued, "What I don't understand, is how you could just ignore his absence like he was habitually irresponsible. He was supposed to be picking up a suspect right? How is it no one was moved to action when he never returned?" He paused to sip his drink not really tasting it. "I checked the logs, no one even put out a BOLO for him . You would think someone could have run a trace on his phone or the GPS on his Hummer! NOTHING! If someone would have told me , I would have at least tried." Frustrated he put his head in his hands and sighed.

"We're so sorry Frank... I...I didn't even let him explain what happened..." tears were streaming down his face, "What if he doesn't wake up...it's all my fault?!"

"No, Eric," a brokenhearted Calliegh replied, "It's all OUR fault, yours, mine and Horatio's! You are so right about everything, Frank especially how hard Ryan would have worked if he had to find us. We don't know where to begin in making it up to Ryan... or if he'll let us."

They all silently finished their drinks not knowing what more to say.

Finally Frank got up to leave, "He deserves better, he really does!" The saddened detective left two heavyhearted co-workers, hoping things would work out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews, alerts and encouragement! Just so you know, all the medical stuff is not accurate. Just enjoy it for what it is, FICTION!

Morning came too soon for Horatio. They had put a recliner in the room for him, but he still had trouble sleeping. His guilt ridden conscience had kept him from peaceful slumber. The still groggy lieutenant stood up and stretched the kinks out of his neck and shoulders. He felt Ryan's forehead and pulled his fingers through the young man's hair. "Please wake up soon Ryan, we need you... I need you," Horatio whispered. He took Ryan's hand and was just sitting down when he thought he saw some movement. He began to think he had imagined it, when it happened again, Ryan's head moved very slightly. "Mr. Wolfe, Ryan can you hear me? I need you to try and wake up, please!" When he saw his head move a little more, he called out a bit more loudly, "Ryan, I need you to wake up!"

Ryan heard someone calling him from far away. The voice sounded urgent, wanting something. '._..ratio...gotta wake up... needs me...calling me...'m tired..._'

"Come on Ryan!" H squeezed the younger man's hand hoping to get some response. To his surprise he felt a slight pressure from the fingers he held. Ryan could hear Horatio and really wanted to wake up. '._..must of o'er slept...have to get up...' _ He struggled, but finally his eyes were half open. Horatio pushed the call button for the doctor, "That's it Ryan, you're doing fine."

As awareness crept into Ryan's mind and body, his eyes suddenly widened in panic. Something was in his throat and pain was now starting to make itself known. '_What's wrong with me...what h'ppened?_'

His monitor started beeping faster as his heart rate quickened. Then he heard someone talking.

"Calm down Ryan, you're going to be all right," Horatio calmly stated as he moved into his CSI's line of vision. Looking into Ryan's confused eyes, "You're in the hospital...the ventilator's helping you breath, please try and relax. The doctor should be here soon."

Horatio's calm voice and strong grip of his hand soon had Ryan drifting off to sleep just as the doctor came in. "He woke up, that's good right?"

"It's a good sign, let me just check him out." Doctor Spenser made a thorough exam of Ryan and was encouraged by his findings. "His lungs sound good, and the swelling around his throat has decreased. His urine output is adequate and his temperature is normal. He's out of the coma, but he'll most likely sleep most of the time. His body needs the rest in order to continue to heal."

"Thank you, Doctor Spenser."

"Once he wakes more fully we'll probably will be able to take him off the ventilator and then move him to a regular room. Please have me paged next time he wakes, okay?"

"Sure doctor."

Horatio felt a little of the weight removed from his heavy burden of guilt, knowing that Ryan was going to be alright. He had to leave his charge for a moment to call Alexx and the others to tell them that Ryan was no longer in a coma, but still in ICU. He advised them not to visit at this time as he was still too weak. Alexx of course insisted that she would be by that evening. Coming back to Ryan's bedside he felt saddened as he looked at the young man who was still really pale making his bruises stand out in wild contrast. H once again took his hand trying to think of how he would apologize to him, not blaming him for wanting to quit the team. Looking back to when Mr. Wolfe first joined the team, he realized they never made him feel he belonged. Yes, they worked cases with him and got along fairly well, yet they failed to get to know him as a person. When Ryan first started he was a cheerful, enthusiastic, friendly young man eager to do anything to be accepted by them. His time on the team produced a more solemn, cynical, intense and less outgoing CSI, still wanting to belong. '_I just don't know where to start. There is so much that needs fixing. Will Ryan give us another chance? God! What if he turns out to be my son...could he ever forgive me or allow me to be a part of his life?_' Horatio, sitting next to Ryan resting his head against their entwined hands, lightly dozed with those thoughts swirling in his weary brain.

Alexx was able to leave work early so made it to the hospital late in the afternoon. Anxious to see her favorite CSI she walked into his room. Seeing Horatio sleeping she gently put her hand on his arm to wake him. "How's my baby boy doing H?"

Horatio woke to Alexx' touch. "He's doing better. The doctor says his lungs are clear and his temperature is normal. He's still really weak so he'll be sleeping a lot."

"I'm so relieved! Do you mind if I sit with him a while?"

"I'll just get something to eat, I'll be right back!" Horatio reluctantly let go of Ryan's hand and left. He really didn't want to stay away too long. He got lunch at the cafeteria and freshened up some, which only took about twenty minutes. Not knowing what else to do he slowly walked around in the waiting area. After another fifteen minutes he really just needed to be back with Ryan so he just walked back in. "Sorry to interfere Alexx, but I really need to be here for Ryan."

"H, you haven't really left Ryan's side except to eat and freshen up. You need to take care of yourself if you're going to take care of Ryan. How are you feeling?"

"Alexx, physically I'm fine. Otherwise, I'm miserable! I know I'm mainly responsible for this whole situation, and I don't know how or where to start fixing it!"

"Your being here for him is a good start. Then you can be honest to Ryan about how you feel about what you've allowed to happen. You just really need to show him that you do care!"

"I intend to do just that, Alexx. I'm just hoping it's not too late to repair the damage."

Try to think positive, Horatio. Ryan's a strong person, and with our friendship and support, he'll be alright. You just need to take things slow, give him a chance to take in everything, and be there for him emotionally."

"I'll try my best, Alexx. I'll try my best!"

"I know you will Horatio." She stood up and kissed Ryan's forehead softly saying good-bye. "I'll try and stop by again tomorrow." With that she left Horatio with Ryan.

Ryan continued to sleep the rest of the day. Horatio continued his vigil sitting next to him, talking to him about anything. He briefly wondered about Frank when he failed to stop by, but knew it was probably work keeping him busy. Finally he sat in the recliner and drifted off to sleep.

The day proved to be extremely busy for Eric, Calliegh and Tripp. A double homicide needed their full attention. The news that Ryan was out of the coma at least brightened their day. Hopefully they would be able to visit him tomorrow night after work.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews, alerts and encouragement! Just so you know, all the medical stuff is not accurate. Just enjoy it for what it is, FICTION! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!

Ryan slowly grew more awake hearing the whooshing of the vent as well as the steady beeping of his heart monitor. His still fuzzy brain started to clear up some as he slowly opened his eyes. '_Hospital?_' Not finding the strength to look around, he blinked a few times and once again fell asleep.

An hour later Doctor Spenser came in to check him over. "Mr. Wolfe, can you wake up for me?" With that both Ryan and Horatio woke.

Ryan wearily opened his eyes and they focused on the stranger leaning over him. Horatio had come over and grasped Ryan's hand to let him know he was not alone. The doctor seeing his patient's confused look started to explain, "I'm Dr. Spenser, I've been taking care of you here at Mercy General. You were injured and had surgery, but you're doing well. Now that you're awake I would like to take you off the vent." Ryan blinked once to show he understood. "It will take a little time to prepare, so go ahead and rest. When I get back we'll take the tube out." Ryan gave a slight nod and promptly fell asleep aware that someone still held onto him.

A few minutes later a couple of nurses came in and began to get things ready for the procedure. About fifteen minutes later the doctor came back in, a nurse followed with a cup of ice chips and a pitcher of water. Dr. Spenser carefully probed his patients neck for swelling and checked his lungs once more before starting the extraction. "Mr. Wolfe...I need your help in removing the tube...you'll need to cough as hard as you can when I pull, okay?" Ryan gave a slight nod and squeezed the hand holding his. "Okay Ryan... cough now!" The young man gave a small cough and the tube came out. Tears streamed down his face from the pain he felt. "I'll have the nurse give you something for your pain, let's get you a little water." Horatio had already poured a small cup with water and put the straw to Ryan's parched lips. "Take only little sips, you may want to use the ice chips. We'll be moving you to a regular room later today." After a few sips of water, Ryan's eyes were just too heavy to keep open, he quickly fell asleep.

Horatio was deep in thought when Ryan next woke up. Ryan once again felt someone holding onto him. '_Who's here?_' He made a great effort to turn his head to see and was surprised when he saw his boss. Horatio was startled when he heard Ryan weakly speak, "Why...here?"

Looking at Ryan, concern evident on his usually stoic face he answered, "I needed to be here to make sure you're going to be okay. I'm so glad you're awake!"

"How...long?"

"How long have you been here?" At Ryan's slight nod he answered, "About four days." Ryan's eye's got large before drooping sleepily again. "Just rest...we'll talk more later."

In the afternoon while he was sleeping they moved him to a regular room. Horatio used that time to update Alexx, Frank, Calliegh and Eric. After getting a bite to eat from the cafeteria Horatio walked back in to a sleeping Ryan.

When Ryan next woke up Alexx was there as well as Horatio. This time it was Alexx grasping his hand warmly. "Hey baby boy...it's good to see your pretty eyes."

"Hey Alexx,"whispered Ryan.

"Here, have some ice chips, honey." She brought the spoon to his lips and he managed a few soothing pieces in his mouth. "You gave us quite a scare, young man. I'm so glad you're doing better."

"What...happened?"

Horatio stepped up to his bedside, "What do you remember?"

Ryan suddenly remembered, "The Russians...Billy?" His eyes widened in panic and he tried to sit up. Horatio quickly held him down, "Ryan...Mr. Wolfe, Billy is okay...with his dad, he's fine!"

"Not dead?...the gun shot.. I 'member," he trailed off weakly tears in his eyes.

Horatio took Ryan's face gently in his hands while Alexx gripped his hand more firmly. "Listen Ryan...please, look at me...that's it. Thanks to you, I got to Billy on time...what you heard was me shooting the Russian. Billy is safe with his dad, okay?"

Ryan gave a slight nod. Everything was beginning to come back now. How he was knocked unconscious and taken in broad daylight. Waking up, being bound to a chair in that dank warehouse at the pier. The force of fists hitting him repeatedly until he passed out. Hoping to be rescued, at least in the beginning. The horrible pain of his tooth being ripped from his mouth. Then he was just dumped out of the car at an abandoned lot early the next day after being shown Billy. If he didn't cooperate they would kill the young boy. He had cleaned and dressed up his wounds and then dressed to hide as much as he could. He made it to the crime scene on time, no one noticed how slow he was moving. No one asked how he knew where the scene was, cause he hadn't been called. No one asked where he had been, or looked close enough to notice he wasn't feeling well. Did they even realize he had been gone? All these thoughts rushed in on him making him upset, tears flowing even more quickly. He looked away from his boss.

"What's wrong Ryan?" H asked truly concerned.

Alexx got a tissue to wipe Ryan's face, Horatio tried to hold Ryan's hand again. Ryan pulled away, "STOP!" "Don't pretend you care...I remember," Ryan harshly whispered. "P-please just go away..." He closed his eyes expecting them both to leave him. When he didn't hear them leaving, he wasn't sure how it made him feel. It was too much! Alexx was not too surprised by this display from Ryan. The young man deserved to be angry about what happened. She went to the bathroom and got a warm cloth.

Horatio not comfortable expressing his feelings couldn't just leave. "Ryan..." he said softly, "please, I...I care very much. I'm so sorry to have let you down as a boss, but especially as a friend." H took the warm cloth from Alexx and pleaded with his eyes so that he could take care of Ryan. He gently wiped the tears from his charges face, and ran his thumb across his forehead. "I'm staying right here, Ryan. Get some rest."

Alexx came up to Ryan's side and kissed him on his forehead. "I'll be by tomorrow if you need to talk." She left knowing there was going to be a lot of healing ahead, physical and emotional.

Ryan was feeling overwhelmed by everything. The way Horatio was behaving was confusing. Usually only Alexx or Frank treated him so nice. The warm cloth and thumb brushing across his forehead was very soothing and he soon drifted off to sleep.

Later that evening Frank and the others stopped by. Ryan was still sleeping so they just briefly looked in saying hi to Horatio. Ryan slept soundly and Horatio stayed by his side once again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews, alerts and encouragement! Just so you know, all the medical stuff is not accurate. Just enjoy it for what it is, FICTION! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!

When Ryan woke up he could tell it was morning. He felt someone holding his hand and slowly opened his eyes. Not sure why, he was a little disappointed when he spotted Alexx beside him instead of his boss. "Hey, Alexx!"

Alexx noticed Ryan opening his eyes, was that a flash of disappointment in their depth? "How you holding up Ryan?"

"I don't know, just confused about how I'm feeling...Where's H?" he asked softly.

"I sent Horatio to get something to eat and to take care of things, he'll be back soon." She noticed a look of relief pass across his face. "You've been through a lot and I can't even imagine what's going on in that mind of yours, but you know you can talk to me any time. I'll be glad to listen." She gently squeezed his hand and brushed the hair off his forehead.

"Thanks, I...I know I'll need to talk to someone, but I'm just not ready."

"That's okay baby, I'll be available any time you're ready. I'm just really glad that you're going to get better. You really had me worried for a while."

"S-Sorry," Ryan looked shamefully away.

Gently grasping his chin she directed him to look at her, "No need for you to be sorry Ryan. None of what happened was your fault. You are not to blame!"

"But..."

"No, baby! I've been told the whole situation. You never should have gone through what you did!"

"I made some bad choices, almost sent an innocent man to jail...messed with evidence..." his voice trailed off as he closed his eyes, tears leaking out.

"Listen to me baby boy, the only ones guilty of anything are Horatio, Eric and maybe Calliegh. They didn't do enough to help you. They need to apologize to you! You did what you did to save that little boys life!" She wiped away the tears on his face, "Right now just rest and concentrate on getting better, okay?"

"Thanks, Alexx," he whispered and drifted off to sleep.

Horatio came back fifteen minutes later with coffee for himself and Alexx. "How is he?"

Taking the coffee, "Thanks...he just fell asleep. H, he's blaming himself for what happened," she quietly voiced.

"None of it's his fault!"

"You'll just have to convince him H. You better! I've got to go to work, take care of my baby boy and I'll try to be by tomorrow." She kissed Ryan on the cheek and quickly left.

Horatio sat by Ryan and hesitated before taking his hand . '_Hope he won't mind me being here. I need to show him that I really do care. I wonder if he'll still want to be apart of the team. I wish it didn't take almost losing Ryan to knock some sense into me! He's proven his loyalty so many times, and yet when he had problems, we were never there for him. I'm going to show Ryan that he deserves better from me!' _

About two hours later Frank came in,"Hey, H"

"Frank, it's a little early for you?"

"It's been a quiet morning, thought I'd take advantage with an early lunch...brought you some. How's Ry doing today?"

"Thanks Frank, he's stronger and has been moved to a soft diet."

Ryan heard Frank and Horatio and slowly opened his eyes. "Did someone mention food?"

Both of the men smiled at him. "Yep, it's time for lunch. You're looking better Ry, are you hungry?"

"I'm okay, just a little hungry." The nurse came in with his lunch just as he spoke.

"Here's your lunch young man, the doctor said you should try to eat as much as you can." She set the table top over Ryan's lap and placed the tray on top. Then she adjusted the bed so that he was sitting up comfortably. Frank helped adjust the pillows for him. The hot broth smelled good, but he wasn't too excited about the green jello. Ryan spooned some broth into his mouth but found it very tiring. Horatio noticed and was about to help, but Frank was quicker. "Let me help you Ryan." He took the spoon from a grateful Ryan and helped him finish the soup. "Want some of the jello?"

"I don't know Frank, it's green."

"Hey don't knock it! It's lime flavored, one of my favorites!"

"Okay..okay, I'll try a little." He managed a small smile as Frank brought the jello to his mouth.

"What's so funny?"

"I never figured you as a jello man. Next time your over I'll be sure to have some!"

"Great, now open wide!" Ryan managed to eat half the jello, but his eyes started drooping again.

"Hey buddy, you get some more rest. Don't fight it."

"But I wanted to visit with you some more," Ryan sleepily stated.

"I have to back to work anyway Ry, I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay," Ryan fell asleep almost immediately.

Horatio stayed with Ryan, who was secretly relieved to have him there. Somehow H's presence made him feel safe. He ate all his dinner with his boss's help and was again asleep by the time his next visitors stopped by. Eric and Calliegh both wanted to talk to him, but they didn't want to wake him. They left a card and flowers for him and said they would come again tomorrow. They left with guilt still weighing on their minds.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

A/N: Thanks you for all the reviews, alerts and encouragement! Just so you know, all the medical stuff is not accurate. Just enjoy it for what it is, FICTION! Sorry for such a short chapter, this one will be longer!

Ryan woke up, his boss holding him down, calling out his name. The nightmare was so real he was still shaking. "H?"

"I'm here Ryan, you're safe. Must have been some dream...do you want to talk about it?" He was still gently holding onto the young man trying to ground him.

"No...no, sorry to be so much trouble."

"You are no trouble at all." Horatio pressed the call button for the nurse.

"Why did you do that?"

"Son, you need to be made more comfortable. You're covered in sweat and I don't want you to get a cold."

The nurse came in and Horatio explained what happened. They gave him a warm sponge bath and changed his sheets and gown. Within a short period of time Ryan was once again comfortably sleeping. The next day would prove eventful.

Alexx and Frank both visited Ryan in the morning. Ryan still feeling drowsy because of his interrupted sleep, was quiet. In the afternoon Calliegh and Eric made an appearance.

Ryan had just finished lunch with Horatio when they came in. Horatio stood to leave to give them time alone. "You leaving H"

Seeing the panic in Ryan's eyes, "Do you want me to stay?"

Not wanting to be alone with them, "Yes, please."

"Okay Ryan, I'll just be over there," pointing to the chair by the door.

"Hi, Ryan," Calliegh began, "So glad you're awake and getting better."

"We stopped by yesterday but we didn't want to wake you." Eric stated.

Ryan still hurt by their inaction and lack of compassion when he needed it most, just weakly smiled and nodded. He knew that his previous actions made them mad and so he said quietly, "I'm so sorry about what I did, I don't blame you for not trusting me, for being so angry." He couldn't bear looking at their faces. He didn't want to see the disappointed or angry looks they might have.

"What!.. Ryan you don't owe us any apologies, we owe you...big time!" Eric moved forward and actually took Ryan's hand. "I was way out of line with you, man! I cut you off without getting the whole story, I am so sorry."

"Me too!" Calliegh chimed in, "We were looking for you the next day to give you a chance to explain, we were too late. We failed you Ryan, as teammates as well as friends." Calliegh laid her hand softly on Ryan's arm hoping he would accept their apologies.

Ryan almost flinched when Eric took his hand. He listened to their words and felt confused. '_Why are they being nice to me? Are they really sorry or are they just feeling guilty? I can't think right now. I don't know what to tell them._' "I'm..tired." He closed his eyes hiding the tears he refused to let fall. He really was exhausted emotionally and from being awake so long.

"Okay, we'll see you later," Cal said and gave his arm a slight squeeze.

"We'll talk more when you feel better," Eric reluctantly let go of his hand and left with Calliegh. '_I hope I can start fresh with Ryan. I can't believe how selfish I've been, not really trying to be his friend. The times we did get along he was pretty nice. I sure haven't gotten to know him though. I'll try harder this time, if he'll give me a chance._' "I can't believe he actually apologized to us. Cal, maybe we could have him over for dinner or drinks once he gets better. I don't know what else to do to show him how sorry I am."

"I know Eric, I just wanted to cry when he told us how sorry he was. I guess we'll have a lot of work ahead of us to show him we're sincere. Maybe he'll let us help him in other ways."

"I really hope so Calliegh." The rest of the ride back to Eric's was in silence.

Horatio went back over and took Ryan's hand, noticing the stray tear that managed to leak out from his closed eyes. "Things will get better Ryan, we're all going to do our best to help you. You just rest now, I'll wake you for dinner."

After dinner Horatio noticed a sad look flutter across Ryan's face.

"What's wrong Ryan?"he concernedly asked. He wasn't prepared for the questions that came at him.

"Why...why are you all being so nice to me? I'm still the same person. Why do you care about me now? I've never been important to anyone before this happened, I don't get it. Why? Is it just guilt, trying to ease your consciences? I just don't know."

" Ryan, I really do care. But I also can't deny the guilt I feel. I'm truly sorry it took this situation to help me tear down the walls I put up around my own heart, not letting anyone get too close. Not even meeting my son Kyle could penetrate. What happened to you...when I heard you needed surgery and were critically injured...all I could think about was I needed to be here for you. There's so much more I need to talk to you about, a lot of important things. I just want to wait until you're strong enough."

"Okay...thanks for being honest with me. I'm kinda tired." Ryan closed his eyes hoping sleep would come quickly. Horatio took his place next to his charge hoping that he would be spared the nightmares that seemed to start plaguing him.

The next few days went rather quickly for the two. Ryan was gaining more strength finally able to eat a less restricted diet, able to eat on his own as well as walk a little each day. He continued to have visitors come by and had many cards and a few flowers. Yet he wouldn't talk about what happened. He wouldn't let anyone see how hurt he felt at being abandoned and the guilt he still felt over what he did. After years of masking his feelings he was able to fool everyone into thinking he was fine. Making progress he was encouraged by Dr. Spenser when told he would be able to go home. '_Finally I'll be left alone, I'm just so tired of pretending nothing is wrong._'


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

A/N: Thanks you for all the reviews, alerts and encouragement! Thanks for reading!

It wasn't so easy for Ryan, pretending everything was okay. Now he was going home. At first he thought that was good, he'd be able to let his guard down. But now that the time was here, his thoughts were running wild. '_What am I going to do? I can only hope Frank or Alexx will visit me . I don't want to be alone. How can everybody suddenly care about me? Are they just feeling guilty right now?_'

Horatio looked at Ryan, concern etched on his face, "What are you thinking about?"

"Huh...oh, nothing important." He hung his head, hoping he wouldn't have to explain his fears.

"As soon as Dr. Spenser comes with your release papers, I'll be taking you home."

"I know...it's just that I'm not sure I'm ready." After Horatio helped him dress, he laid back down and drifted off to sleep.

An hour and a half later the doctor came in with the forms, a nurse with a wheelchair followed. "Hey there, all dressed up and ready to sleep!" exclaimed the doc to his sleepy eyed patient.

"Just really tired Doc. Is that normal? Maybe I should stay longer," Ryan nervously intoned.

"Not to worry young man! After the trauma your body as well as mind have gone through, sleep helps you heal. You really are well enough to go home as long as you have someone with you 24/7." He paused to look at Ryan's reaction. He was just staring down at his hands. But his head came up wide-eyed with the doctor's next words. "Horatio assured me that he'll be looking after you, so you're all set."

Looking at Horatio a stunned Ryan stammered out, "Y-you don't have to take care of me..."

"I know I don't have to, I want to! No arguments, you'll be staying with me until you get your strength back."

"I guess," said a dejected Ryan. Relieved that he wouldn't be alone he still had reservations about being in his boss' care. Thinking about it wasn't an option - anger, pain and emptiness filled his thoughts, there wasn't room for more. He just needed to pretend everything was okay.

"I just need your signature, here and here Mr. Wolfe." The doctor gave Ryan the release forms. Ryan hesitantly took the pen and signed.

"Thank you for taking care of me Doctor Spenser...I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome. Here's your prescriptions, one's for pain the other to help you sleep. Take care and be sure to schedule a follow up appointment in a week so I can check those stitches." With that he turned and left the room.

"Come on son, let's get you home." Horatio turned to get the wheelchair so he didn't notice how wide Ryan's eyes got at those simple words. Ryan quickly got hold of his emotions before H turned back to help him into the chair. The drive to Horatio's home was made without much conversation as Ryan dozed off almost as soon as they started out.

The next few days Horatio was very attentive to Ryan. He helped him eat, bathe and dress making sure he was comfortable. Alexx came in the mornings and Frank came in the evenings. They both noticed that while Ryan was steadily getting stronger physically, he was closing down on them. When Eric or Calliegh came by he would close himself off even more, only speaking to answer questions. He would doze off intentionally at times when things got to be too much. Horatio was worried and was determined to help him. He would have to get through to him somehow. Ryan finally had the strength to stay awake most of the day, so now it was time for a heart-to-heart talk.

When the doctor had given him sleep medication, Ryan almost laughed out loud but now he knew why. If he forgot to take them he would be plagued with nightmares. He could almost live with the terrifying dreams, but was embarrassed when he woke up screaming with Horatio holding him down. Even more embarrassing was allowing his boss to hold him close while he sobbed trying to gain comfort. He never had that growing up and didn't want to admit to himself how good it felt to have someone to turn to. He knew he had to talk to someone, he just didn't want to be rejected or worse because of how he felt. '_What will happen when I'm better, are they going to change how they feel about me? Am I going to be treated like I was before? Why would they care anymore? I wish this had never happened!_' He was so depressed he didn't want to get out of bed, so he pulled the covers over his head and cried.

Horatio found him like that when he had finished his morning routine. He walked over and sat on the edge of his bed, "Ryan...time for breakfast." He waited for a response from him. Getting none he tried again. "Son, we need to talk, let me help you." He took the covers slowly off his face.

"N-No, please!" Ryan tried to snatch the covers back.

Horatio held the blankets down, he looked so young with tears streaking down his cheeks. He gently pulled Ryan into his arms wanting to take away his pain. He kept him close until he felt the boy finally relax. "Ryan..." he said quietly, "I need for you to tell me what happened or at least talk to Alexx, Frank or even a doctor. You need to start healing emotionally." Ryan just stiffened a little but didn't say anything. Horatio continued, "I also have a lot I need to talk to you about. Maybe once you hear what I have to say you'll be able to talk. I have to apologize again for my past stupidity and inaction and hope you'll be able to forgive me."

"I'm willing to listen," came a muffled reply.

Horatio kept one arm around his charge and repositioned the pillows against the headboard. He sat Ryan against them and then sat next to him. Sensing Ryan needed more he put his arm around his shoulder and felt him relax against him. "Let me start from when I first met you...My reaction was way out of line. You look so much...like the young woman I met and fell in love with." He could sense Ryan wanting to say something. " Let me finish...please...it was a long time ago. Both of us fresh out of high school. I was in love, asked her to marry me. She wouldn't commit, but she moved in with me. We had a little boy...he was beautiful...named Ryan." He heard and felt Ryan take a deep breadth. "What happened, H?"

"One day while I was at work, as a mechanic, she left...taking my boy with her. He was only two years old. I was devastated when I got home and couldn't find them. She left nothing of theirs behind not even a note. When I saw you looking just like her and having the same name as my son, I almost lost it. That is why I called you Mr. Wolfe. It hurt too much, made me think of him and where he could be. I never realized it would hurt you...make you feel unwanted. I'm so sorry Ryan!"

Ryan was sitting real still feeling numb. The only thing grounding him was the warmth of Horatio's arm around his shoulder. Was this really happening? "What was her name?" he whispered.

Horatio still thinking about the past almost missed it. "Her name was Carolyn Forester."

Ryan paled and closed his eyes when he heard the name. He was silent so long Horatio thought he fell asleep. He was just about to move when Ryan spoke again. "My mothers name was Carolyn. I was adopted by my step father. Am I... am I your son?"

"I really don't know Ryan, but I would like to find out...that is if you want to. I really would like to know more about you. I'm proud of who you are, I couldn't ask for a better man to be my son."

Ryan was quiet, this time he really had fallen asleep. Too many thoughts and emotions were warring inside his head, he welcomed sleep. Horatio laid him down and pulled the covers over his sleeping form.

"I can only hope you are my son," he whispered and left the room.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

A/N: Thanks you for all the reviews- especially the anonymous ones, alerts and encouragement! Thanks for reading!

Frank had come to grips with what had happened to his friend. He couldn't change anything, although for Ryan's sake he wished he could. He was glad to see the young man was healing physically, but was worried about his emotional shut down. Noticing a change in his teams attitude he wondered if Ryan would be able to work with them again. That was just another obstacle for poor Ryan to deal with.

Eric and Calliegh understood that Frank was still upset. They had no idea he was such a close friend of Ryan's. Of course they really didn't know much about their co-worker except that he had an uncle. They both knew that would have to change if they wanted to help Ryan and let him know that they wanted him on their team. All week they worked with awkward tension between them now was the time to make peace. Calliegh noticed Frank in the break room and decided to take a chance.

"Hey Frank," she tentatively greeted, "can we talk?"

"What about?"

At that time Eric came in and grabbed a cup of coffee, not really paying attention, nodding to them as he passed.

"I guess I just wanted to apologize to you, I still feel awful about what happened."

"You should," muttered Frank.

"I swear if I could change things, I would! It will never happen again. I promise to try harder and really get to know Ryan."

"I feel the same Frank," Eric chipped in.

"Well, Calliegh, Eric, you might not get the chance," Tripp spoke softly.

"What! What do you mean Frank? Isn't Ryan getting better, is there something wrong that we don't know about?" Eric voiced loudly at first but fear and worry for Ryan caused it to gradually soften.

"What is it your not telling us? Please, tell us," said a worried Calliegh.

The level of genuine concern over Ryan's well being surprised the detective. He decided to tell them about the letter.

"Physically Ryan is doing better. No one has talked about this yet, but the day Ryan collapsed...he left a note for Horatio. He felt he lost whatever trust you had in him. He said he was quitting," he finished quietly.

"Oh god, how do we fix that?" Eric hung his head in despair.

"We'll do whatever it takes to get Ryan back with us! It's been two weeks and I really miss him," stated a determined Calliegh.

"Yeah, I actually miss him too!"

Frank looked them both in the eyes. Seeing that their comments were heartfelt gave him a spark of hope that things would work out. "Well you guys have a lot of work ahead of you. Ryan is a good man and loyal friend. I sure hope you can make amends with him, I would hate to see him leave here."

"We'll try our best Frank. What Calliegh said, 'Whatever it takes!'"

"Thank you Frank," Calliegh said shyly.

"What for?"

"For giving us another chance, and letting us know how Ryan feels about us." A tear fell down her cheek.

"Yeah thanks Frank," Eric added.

"You're both welcome," he replied as he got up to leave.

Calliegh was grateful that some of the tension seemed to lift between the three of them. Now she had to think of how to make things better with Ryan.

"Where do we begin Cal? How do we regain trust in Ryan and show him that we've changed?"

"I guess we'll have to start again, Eric."

"What do you mean?"

"We need to get to really know Ryan. God over three years with us and all I know is that he graduated from college in Boston, top of his class. Also he mentioned having an uncle here in Miami. Not a whole lot, is it?"

"Don't beat yourself up Cal, I don't think anyone really knows too much about him."

"His friends probably do! That's just it Eric, we never made time to get to know him outside of work. I was always busy or had some excuse whenever he invited me over or out for drinks after work."

"Me too Cal. After a while he just stopped asking."

"I hadn't realized! I guess we never gave him a real chance," Calliegh stated sadly.

"I really didn't want to be close to anyone else after we lost Tim...I didn't want to experience that kind of pain again. I've been so selfish that I didn't think about how much I hurt Ryan, I just feel so guilty."

"I hear you Eric, I feel the same way. We really let Ryan down. I sure hope he'll give us another chance."

"Me too, Cal. We can stop by after work and really talk to him."

"We can give it our best!" Calliegh exclaimed as they both finished their break and went back to work.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

A/N: Thanks you for all the reviews, alerts and encouragement! Thanks for reading! It's a little long, hope you like it! Ryan's past I made up as I went along. Enjoy!

Later in the day Ryan came downstairs to find Horatio in the kitchen making lunch. Having missed breakfast he realized he was really hungry.

"Hey Ryan, you surprised me! Have a seat, I was just making us a little lunch." Horatio, leaning against the counter, was mixing some batter.

"Can I help?"

"You can make the toast." As Ryan moved to the counter to put the bread in the toaster, his boss couldn't help noticing his haggard appearance. Horatio poured the batter onto the griddle and soon they were enjoying a delicious lunch. After clearing the table and washing the dishes they retreated to the living room.

Ryan was concerned that maybe Horatio didn't want him there anymore, especially if he was reminded of the past. "I'm feeling a lot better now, I can go home now if you want me to."

Horatio knew that the boy wasn't well enough yet to be on his own. "I don't want you to leave yet. I thought I could get to know more about you."

"There's not much to tell," Ryan responded.

" I know you graduated top in your class as a microbiology major in Boston and went through the academy finishing early. You've only just told me about your Uncle Ron being in a nursing home so that I could sign your medical proxy. Maybe you could fill in some blanks for me?"

"You really want to know?"

"I do, Ryan, I do."

The young man looked warily at his boss and shrugged his shoulders slightly. "Earliest I remember is when I was five...my mother got married. He seemed so old to me, but mom seemed to be happy. We moved to this huge house, I didn't like it"

"Why not?" Horatio could see a series of emotions flash across Ryan's face at that question.

"I didn't get to see my mom as much. We used to be together all the time...then I saw her at meals and when she would come kiss me good night. I missed her. I had a nanny and tutors growing up."

"What about your stepfather?"

"He was nice enough to adopt me."

"What was he like, did he spend time with you?" Ryan's face went blank like he didn't want to say too much. Horatio felt bad for asking and was going to save him from having to answer.

"He was busy with his own son...I hardly saw them," Ryan finally replied in a small voice.

Horatio was shocked, Ryan had a very lonely childhood.

Ryan continued lost in the past, "When I was twelve, my parents died in a car accident. I was sent to live with my stepfathers older brother, Uncle Ron. He did his best with me. I got accepted to Boston University at an early age. When I graduated my uncle retired from the bench and we moved to Miami. He encouraged me to help others, so I decided to go to the academy. I really found something worthwhile. I liked being a cop but hated that I kept arresting repeat offenders. I applied to become a CSI to help keep criminals off the street. I couldn't believe it when I got hired by you. I was eager to start a job I knew I would love...now I blew it!

"You didn't blow anything. I wish I took the time before now to talk to you. I need to share with you something important. I'll be right back!" Horatio knew he had to prove to Ryan that he genuinely cared. He went up the stairs to his room and took a box from his closet. This was harder than he thought it would be. He slowly opened the box and sat heavily on his bed as old emotions swamped him. He carefully picked up one of the photos as if it would shatter, tears fell as the memories flooded his thoughts.

Ryan didn't know what to do. He never told anyone about his past. Sadly no one had ever asked. He felt so alone right now. He laid back on the couch and just closed his eyes. If he had more strength he would have ran as far away as he could. He briefly wondered what Horatio was going to share with him when he dozed off.

Time had slipped by as Horatio allowed himself to be immersed in the past. He slowly put the pictures he had spread out back in the box. Coming back downstairs he noticed Ryan had fallen asleep. He covered his charge with a small blanket put the box on the table and went into the kitchen. It was time for Ryan to take his medication so he went about preparing a light snack. Just as he was finished filling two bowls with soup, he thought he heard Ryan say something. Looking into the living room to see what the young man may want, he saw he was still asleep. Ryan called out again and Horatio quickly went over to him. He didn't want the boy to hurt himself as he started thrashing about caught up in a bad dream. He grabbed Ryan's hand and arm trying to get him to wake. "Ryan, son, wake up, you're safe!"

"Nooo! Please...no!" the agitated young man screamed, twisting to get away from his tormentor. "Help me, please," he cried out. He heard his boss' voice, but knew it wasn't real, he never came. "Please help..." he softly whimpered.

Horatio's heart was breaking, "Ryan, wake up! You're okay now, come on son wake up!" He gently shook him by the shoulders. Suddenly the young man bolted upright, crying out in pain, tears streaming down his face. "No one came...no one helped me..."he stammered.

"Oh god, Ryan, I'm so sorry!" Horatio was at a loss as to what to do. Instinct kicked in as he sat next to the distraught young man and took him into his arms. "I wish I could go back in time and been there for you. I can't change what happened, though I wish I could. Please let me help you now!"

"B-because, you feel g-guilty?"

"Because you need someone and I really want to help."

Ryan was upset, not able to focus. He didn't notice his boss leaving the room to go into the kitchen. He didn't hear the microwave beep. Nor did he notice Horatio come back with a tray, holding food and the box. H put the tray on the table and softly cleared his throat, "Ryan?"

The young man blinked and finally looked up into worried eyes, a blank look on his face. "Food? Thanks," he weakly stated.

"You need your strength, plus you need to take your meds." Horatio sat next to Ryan handing him his pills and a small bowl of soup. Letting the warmth of the soup relax them, they both quietly ate.

Putting his bowl down Ryan noticed the small box on the tray. "What's in this?" He picked up the box, looking it over.

"That's all I have left...some photos I wanted to share with you." Before Ryan could open the box they both startled at the sound of the doorbell. Ryan reluctantly put the box down leaned back and closed his eyes. He heard Horatio talking and then opened his eyes to see Calliegh and Eric before him. "Hey guys," he muttered, slipping on a mask of indifference. Inside he could feel his anger start to flare.

"Hey yourself Ryan!" Calliegh threw back.

"Hey, man we miss you!" Eric exclaimed.

"Yeah, right," Ryan sarcastically replied.

"Well it's true," Calliegh quickly emphasized.

Something inside of Ryan snapped and he slowly got up from the couch, shaking off Horatio's help.

All the confusion, hurt and anger he had been holding back suddenly forced itself forward. Before he could stop himself he started shouting at them, "Why is it you suddenly care about me now!? I've tried for three years to get you to like me, and nothing worked. I always tried to do my best, it was never good enough! Now you miss me? No one missed me enough when I got abducted! No one questioned why I never came back with that suspect! No one tried to find me! No one asked me how I knew where the crime scene was, I wasn't called to it! When I finally was able to fix things with that missing evidence, you were both so mad at me, I couldn't explain why. And you Horatio, where was the concern for me and my career if something went wrong with faking your death! You all didn't think much of me then, why do you pretend to care now?!" Ryan had been pacing when he suddenly felt he room spinning. As he started to fall forward he felt strong arms catch him and sit him on the couch. Thinking it was Horatio, he was surprised to find Eric helping him.

"Ryan are you okay?" Eric asked worriedly.

"No, I can't...catch my breadth!"

"H, get me a paper bag, I think he's hyperventilating!"

Horatio ran to the kitchen and got a small lunch bag and handed it to Eric. Holding the bag over Ryan's nose and mouth he ordered him to slow his breathing. "In...out! Come on," he said softly, "Steady now, that's good!"

As Ryan's breathing evened out he sat back exhausted. Tears were streaming down his face. He felt so pitiful breaking down in front of the others.

Eric took a seat next Ryan and Calliegh sat before him on the table. "Look Ryan," she began, "we don't blame you for hating us. We hate ourselves for what we allowed to happen . Not just this past disaster, but how we mistreated you through the years. You have every right to be angry with us."

"Yeah Ryan, we were completely in the wrong. I especially want to apologize, man...it was hard for me after Tim died, he was my best friend. It was hard to see anyone fill his spot, so I was determined not to like whoever it was." He turned to face the younger CSI, "I figured if I didn't like you I wouldn't get hurt if...if something were to happen. I was so wrong! I know it hasn't been easy for you to work with me in the past, especially with my temper, but I hope you'll give me another chance." He finished quietly.

Calliegh seeing no response from Ryan continued, "We never took the time to get to know you as a person. We both know you're one of the best CSI's that we've worked with! I...we, would both like to start again, get to really know you. We want to be your friends and teammates. Will you think about it...please? Calliegh asked hopefully trying to catch Ryan's eye.

Ryan sat and listened to all that was said. He could feel Horatio come behind him and rest his hand on his shoulder. '_I don't know how I should feel? They sound like they really mean it. Should I stay mad about how I was treated in the past? Should I just accept what happened and move on? They're treating me real nice now, but what will happen once we get back to work? What if they get to know me and come to hate who I am? I just don't know any more. I just don't know!_'

Finally looking at his teammates he spoke quietly, "I don't hate you both. I feel hurt and disappointed being overlooked. I obviously wasn't important to anyone, and I still really don't matter," he finished softly.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

A/N: Thanks you for all the reviews, alerts and encouragement! Thanks for reading!

Horatio came around from behind Ryan and took Callie's place on the coffee table. Not caring what the others would think he gently took the young mans face in his hands. Causing Ryan to meet his eyes, Horatio started speaking in a low tone, "I know I've been a bastard where you are concerned. For three years I've been avoiding these overwhelming feelings I've buried deep inside. I didn't want to believe you could be my son. After all these years, I thought you would hate me or blame me for not being there. I took the cowards way out, not knowing...would mean not having to face the past." Horatio paused taking a deep breath, making sure not to break eye contact with his charge. "I was wrong in so many ways. I was right in choosing you to help me fake my death. Your skills and loyalty made you the perfect one for the job. But I didn't think about your career and how helping me would affect you personally. It doesn't justify how you were treated, and not just by me. I didn't learn until later that they practically accused you of murdering me...I'm so sorry for the pain caused by my stupidity. I never told you thank you, for the great job you did!" Looking into Ryan's eyes he could see the pain in them. He could only hope that Ryan saw the truth and determination in his own. "And then I failed you as your boss and let you down. You were missing and I didn't do enough to find you. I wasn't there for you! When you told me about the Russians and Billy, I took for granted that you were okay. On the drive back to headquarters I realized you hadn't told me everything. I expected you to be waiting for my return, and was surprised when you weren't there. I was trying to find you when the hospital called. I wanted to get there as fast as I could hoping you would be okay. I didn't want to lose you as a person, teammate, and someone I would proudly call my son. You really do matter! I hope you'll be able to forgive me."

Sensing Horatio was done, Ryan closed his eyes and leaned back breaking contact. He was emotionally and physically tired. He could tell his coworkers were sincere. Now he just wanted to be alone, think things through. Of course being at Horatio's place he couldn't tell everyone to leave.

Calliegh and Eric were just a little stunned by H's confession. Eric just shifted in his seat uncomfortable by all the feelings on display.

Calliegh, ever practical, broke the silence asking cautiously, "So H...is Ryan your son?"

That made Ryan open his eyes. Horatio now had three sets of eyes boring into him.

"Huh?" H was still thinking about all he told Ryan. "He might be." He reached for the box which had been pushed to the side and forgotten. Looking Ryan in the eye he asked, "Do you feel up to finding out the truth?"

Not really knowing how he was feeling, Ryan looked around and saw only concern on the faces of those with him. "W-what if I am y-your son? W-what then?"

"We'll take it one step at a time. Either way, Ryan, it will make no difference to me. I'm proud of the man you are. I plan to get to know you better no matter what!"

"Horatio is right Ryan, we'll be getting to know you because we really want to," Eric encouraged.

"May I ask what's in the box that will prove something this important?" asked Calliegh.

"What I have in this box is the only connection I have to my first love and my little boy. I'm not speaking of Julia and Kyle. Her name was Carolyn, and my boy's name was...Ryan. She left me, taking my precious son with her. These few pictures are all I have. Ryan's mother's name is the same and the resemblance is...is amazing."

Ryan held his hand out to take the box. H opened it and then gave it to the young CSI. The first picture on top was of a cute little boy with dark brown hair and hazel eyes, smiling at the camera. Eric leaned over curious to see and Calliegh came around the back of the couch to look. "Is that you Ryan?" Eric asked.

Ryan looked at the three and shrugged his shoulders. "It could be, I-I never had any pictures of me growing up. There was a family photo taken just before my mother died, that's all I have."

They were all shocked and saddened by that simple admission. Ryan didn't notice as he was shakily reaching into the box to see the next picture underneath. He picked up the one of the little boy and then gasped at what he saw. There in the box was his mother smiling up at him. What little color had been in the young man's face drained away. His trembling hand picked up the photo, and he traced the outline of her face. "T-that's my mom," Ryan whispered weakly and proceeded to pass out. The picture fell to the floor.

"Ryan!" They all exclaimed at once. Eric stood up and helped position Ryan on the couch so that he was now laying down. Calliegh ran to the kitchen and came back with a wet towel which she placed on Ryan's forehead. She picked up the photo and gave it a good look. "No wonder you suspected him of being your son, he looks just like her."

Horatio didn't hear Calliegh, he was sitting staring at his son running his fingers through Ryan's hair. It seemed like a million different emotions were emerging in his own thoughts; happiness, love, sadness, guilt and shame. '_I guess we'll have to take one step at a time. I can't imagine what he thinks of me. I wasn't there for him growing up, and I certainly wasn't there for him as a boss. Will he continue to let me help him now? I'm so sorry Ryan, my son...I wish I would have faced my past when we first met. I'll try my best to be there for you now._'

"H, are you okay?" Calliegh asked. Horatio, realizing he was asked a question, absently replied, "Yes, I'm fine. I'm just worried about Ryan."

Eric just put a blanket over the prone figure as he quietly thought out loud, "Wow! That's a lot to digest for all of us. Do you want us to stay a while, is he going to be okay?"

"I'm not sure Eric. Alexx will be here in about an hour so I'll have her check Ryan, but it looks like he may have just fallen asleep. He definitely needs to rest. You both can stay if you like."

"Maybe you should rest a bit too H," said a concerned Calliegh. "We'll keep watch over Ryan. Why don't you use the recliner."

"Thank you Calliegh, I think I will." He got comfortable in the recliner and soon dozed off. Calliegh removed the cloth from Ryan's forehead tucking the covers around him. She and Eric made their way to the kitchen, sat at the table and quietly talked. Alexx and Frank came about an hour later. The bell woke Horatio up, he got up slowly and let them in. "Hello Alexx, Frank, come in."

"What's up H?" Frank asked knowing something was wrong. "Is Ryan okay?"

"I was hoping Alexx could tell me," Horatio stepped aside to let them in.

He and Alexx went straight to the couch where the young man was asleep. Frank noticed the pictures while Alexx quickly assessed how Ryan was doing. Eric and Calliegh came into the living room at that time to say hello.

"He seems to be alright," Alexx informed as she took hold of Ryan's wrist to take his pulse.

Ryan woke with a start when Alexx was taking his pulse. He slowly sat back up not wanting to look at anybody. He wasn't sure about anything anymore.

"Hey Baby Boy, glad you're awake!" Alexx sat down next him an pulled him into her arms. She had glimpsed the lost look in his expressive eyes. Ryan turned towards her and buried his face on her shoulder, relishing her safe embrace. Alexx was just a little confused as to why her boy was so lost. Frank who was studying the pictures, quietly showed them to Alexx. Alexx's eyes widened when she saw the resemblance and mentally made the connection as she looked at Horatio's worried eyes. "You just need some time Ryan, things will become more clear in time." She hugged him a little more tightly, feeling him relax against her.

"H, Eric and I are gonna head out, we'll call tomorrow. Bye Ryan, Alexx, Frank." Eric and Calliegh headed home hoping things would be okay.

Alexx, sensing Ryan had fallen asleep once again, gently released him, "Frank bring me a pillow, H, help me get him more comfortable." Frank went upstairs and came back with the pillow from the spare bed. The three got the boy reclining snugly on the couch, hoping the sleep would be restful for him.

"So H," Frank said quietly, "Ryan is your son."

"Yes, he is, Frank, Alexx. Yes he is!"Horatio proudly replied.

THE END


End file.
